It's a Conspiracy.

My kids go to the local public primary school and most of the time I am more than pleased with the going ons there. Admittedly, there has been the odd incident that has left me wondering, such as the time my eight year old was bitten in class by another eight year old. What the..? I thought only toddlers bit others and even then you were a leper if you had a biting child. But an eight year old girl biting? Makes you wonder...

Anyway, today Cassidy came out of school carrying a strange looking, cylinder thingy. Tom was already in the car moaning about how you wouldn't believe what Cassidy had made at school and that the teachers had gone mad.

And then I heard it. A great, big, loud farty sound. She opened the door to the car, somehow simultaneously making the most god-awful noise on this thing imaginable and telling me how Tom had threatened to murder her at the same time.

I understood why he felt that way. He then told me that every kid in grade three had made one of these things and all he had heard all day was the horrible noise coming from them.

Cassidy asked me if I liked her instrument which they had made out or a piece of thin plastic hose, a balloon and a cardboard cylinder, all joined together, in music class. Ah, no, not really! But to be kind I said "Yes darling it is absolutely fantastic, please don't blow it in the car. Or at home unless you are in your bedroom with the door closed."

Of course Abbey thinks it is wonderful and likes to blow on it really hard. So I resorted to bribing her with biscuits to let go of the damn thing and now it is hidden up the top of Cassidy's wardrobe.

What on earth were those teachers thinking? I get the whole making a musical instrument thing but what is wrong with a few rubber bands around a tissue box? I don't understand how they ever thought making something that sounds so offensive could be a good idea, especially when they then send them home.

So I think it must be a diabolical plan, cooked up by evil teachers to drive all parents absolutely bonkers. What else could it be?

The kid's have also got their school concert coming up and need costumes. I hate this as I cannot sew and they always need things like blundstones, flannelette shirts and other items that the teachers expect every child to have but mine never do. One year I had to make a mosquito outfit!

This year, to my delight, Tom is a Greek God and only needs a plain white sheet. Hooray, finally a costume I can provide easily. In the car on the way home from school this afternoon Tom says "I need to take my costume to school as soon as possible."

I say no problem, I have a white sheet you can take.

He then says "I need some really big safety pins to hold my costume together, the teacher says just some old nappy pins would do." Like that would be easy. Like I just have some nappy pins lying about from when the kids were babies.

Nope, not only did my kids wear disposables, the people I knew that did use cloth certainly didn't use nappy pins. Can you even still get them? I haven't seen one for years!

So tomorrow I am off to find nappy pins. I presume that you can still buy big safety pins so that will be what I will aim for.

I can't wait to hear what outfit Cassidy will need!